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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The "Dirty D Word"

It happened the other day, almost without my even noticing. I referred to myself as being the "d" word, and I didn't even flinch! Nor did I feel the necessity to bore my listeners with the gory details of why I am divorced and assure them that "this was NOT my desire." Oh, nothing has really changed in my thinking - I still hate divorce like God does and it is not the end I ultimately wanted. But it is, nonetheless, the end God is allowing and I have finally crossed the threshold of being able to own up to that without feeling like I am less of a person or in some, if I were Hindu, lower caste system. I am who I am.......who God made me to be.......and He loves me infinitely. And nothing anyone - husband or anyone else - does to me can take that away. So I have just decided that I will not let some little label that defines my marital status also define my identity. And that one small decision is making a world of difference in how I hold my head up and face people when I have to tell them, for whatever reason, "I am divorced". Lord, thank you for helping me to finally "get it", that I am indeed a victim of someone else's sin but I do not have to live in a victim mentality. I do not have to make sure everyone I come in contact with understands the horror that I have faced and thinks only the "best" of me. You did not die to save my reputation; you died to save my soul. Thank you that you are good all the time, even when life is tough. Amen.